


How To Write A Love Song

by CaptainLeBubbles



Category: RWBY
Genre: Domestic, F/M, Family Fluff, M/M, Mundane Remnant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Romantic Comedy, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-30
Updated: 2016-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-28 00:48:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8424187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainLeBubbles/pseuds/CaptainLeBubbles
Summary: It starts with Ruby's first date, and goes downhill from there.Or, James and Qrow try despite constant interruptions to go on a date, and Ruby and Sun learn what it means to be in a relationship.





	1. That Boy Is Mine

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by a half-coherent early morning thought, but once I started running with it I decided it would be my dumping ground for all of my silly headcanons and meta I've been working with lately.
> 
> I will update the tags for this as I get a better feel for which characters will play the biggest roles.
> 
> Please don't let my usual reputation fool you. This fic is meant to be light reading and very silly, so while there will be angst and hurt feelings, it will be neither heavy nor long lasting. Probably.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sun and Ruby go on their first date, and James meets Qrow.

James followed Sun up the path to the house, hands folded neatly behind his back and a grin twitching at his lips in response to Sun’s whining.

“Come _on_ , Mr. G!” Sun said, as loud as he dared without it being heard in the house. “You’re _embarrassing_ me!” He stopped on the doorstep, and turned a pleading look on James. James just gave him an amused look in return and reached around him to ring the doorbell, then rested a hand on Sun’s shoulder and turned him around.

“If I’m going to chaperone your date, I owe it to this girl’s parents to introduce myself. They have a right to know who they’re trusting their daughter to.”

o/o

Inside, Ruby was being teased by her sister.

“I can't believe my baby sister is going on her _very first date_!” Yang said, throwing her arms around Ruby's neck and purposefully mussing her hair. Ruby wiggled away, and glared at her sister before turning to the mirror again with a huff, and tried to fix her hair back.

“It's not that big a deal, Yang,” Ruby said. “You go on dates all the time.”

“Yeah, but you're going on your _first_ date.” She wrinkled her nose. “I can't believe you're going out with Sun, though. He's such a dweeb.”

“I like that he's a dweeb.” Ruby smiled, a special smile that she only brought out lately when the subject of Sun came up. Yang grinned. Her baby sister with her first real crush, how precious. “He's funny.”

“Of course he is.”

Yang reached over to ruffle Ruby's hair affectionately, but before Ruby could fix her hair again, the doorbell rang. Both girls leapt to their feet to go answer it, Yang hoping to tease Ruby a little more before she left and Ruby wanting to stop her before she could. Yang got a headstart on Ruby, but Ruby was faster and better at maneuvering. She leapfrogged over Yang at the bottom of the stairs, diving from the door with a triumphant yell while Yang went crashing into a table and sent a vase to the floor with a shout. At the crash, Zwei came running in, barking loudly. In the living room, Dad called asking if she was all right, and she called back an affirmative and hauled herself to her feet.

Ruby was already at the door, smoothing her hair down before she threw it open.

o/o

There were a pair of crashes from inside, a startled shout, a triumphant yell, loud barking, a muffled inquiry called across the house, and then, as the cacophony reached a crescendo, the door burst open and Ruby Rose appeared in the doorway, smile wide and bright as ever and eyes only for Sun.

“Hi Sun!” she said cheerily, and then, as an afterthought, “Hey, Mr. G. My parents are in the living room.”

She led James into the living room, where there were three adults sprawled on the furniture and a fourth, a woman, perched on the end of a stuffed armchair. James frowned. He’d known that Ruby and Yang had more than the usual number of parents, but he hadn’t been expecting four.

“These are my parents!” Ruby said, taking in the whole group with a sweep of her arm. Behind them, Yang came in, hair mussed and shirt slightly damp. Ruby pointed to each parent in turn. “This is my mom, and my dad, and my mom, and my Uncle Qrow! And _t_ _his_ ,” here she turned to gesture proudly at James, like Vanna White showing off the latest grand prize, “Is Mr. Ironwood.”

James shook hands and got proper introductions all around, and then Qrow threw his arms behind his head and ambled to the door. “Well, I gotta be heading out to work. Have fun, kiddo,” he said, pausing to ruffle Ruby’s hair, earning a disgruntled groan and Ruby shooing her hands at him. “Nice to meet you, Jimbo.”

“James,” he said. Qrow gave that a flippant wave as he headed through the door, and James turned back to Ruby’s parents. “We should probably head out now, too.”

“Finally!” Sun threw his hands up, then offered his arm to Ruby. “Come on, Rubles, let’s go before we have to sit through more introductions.”

Ruby giggled as she took his arm and they headed out. "At least my cousin isn't home?"

“At least you didn’t have to be there we were getting together,” Summer said, standing to walk James to the door, trailing behind the kids somewhat. “Three sets of parents and Raven’s uncles all meeting our partners and each other in one go. It was a long night.”

James laughed at that, and glanced over at the kids- Sun was opening the car door for Ruby and bowing low and a little dramatically, which had Ruby laughing while she slid into the car. He turned and raised an eyebrow at Summer.

“Curfew?”

“Ten, and she’s knows to call if she’s going to be late.” She raised her voice to call past James, “Bye, baby! Have fun! I love you!”

Ruby slumped backwards. “Mooooooom!”

Summer laughed, and James headed out to the car, sliding in and turning around to the kids.

“Where are we off to, then?”

“I was thinking Simple Wok first,” Sun said. “Then maybe that new 18-under club? Junior’s? Does that sound good?” This aimed at Ruby, who nodded, a small, secretive smile tugging at her lips.

“Sounds good! I haven’t been to Junior’s yet, but Yang went a few nights ago and she said it was great.”

“Junior’s it is,” James said, and, “Buckle up, you two.”

o/o

They lingered at Simple Wok for awhile, and James sat a few seats away to give them space to talk freely. He wasn’t really there to stop them having fun- just drive them around, and make sure they were safe. Ruby’s parents didn’t like their daughter being out too late if she was walking, and Sun didn’t seem in any hurry to get his license. James focused instead on catching up on some lower-priority work emails, until they came over to tell him they were ready to go.

Junior’s was new- only opened a few weeks ago- and there was a sign on the door that said “no adults unless accompanied by a minor”. James had heard of that from Sun- the club was meant to be a safe space for kids to hang out, a club environment without adults hanging around drinking and causing discomfort for them. They could hear music as they approached the door, could see lights flashing, but thankfully not too heavily. James couldn’t handle flashing lights, they gave him headaches after too long around them.

He left Ruby and Sun to their own devices and made his way to the back counter, taking a seat in the corner. He was joined after a moment by the man behind the counter, a slender man with a suppressed smile in his red eyes. He grinned as he came nearer to where James was sitting.

“Hey there, Jimmy,” he said. “Fancy seeing you here.”

“James,” he corrected automatically, and then raised his eyebrows. “Qrow?”

“I’m guessing the kids decided to come here for their date?”

James nodded. He gestured out into the crowd, where the two were dancing, both badly and both laughing as they did. Qrow looked out at them and grinned, a cocky, half-smirk grin that flooded his eyes with warmth. James felt a flush coming up his neck. Oh no.

“I like Sun,” Qrow said. “He’s always making Ruby laugh.” He turned back to James. “So how’d you end up with the kid? He’s not yours, I assume. If you don’t mind my asking,” he added, as an afterthought.

James shook his head. “It’s fine, nothing traumatic. His parents got transferred out of the country for work reasons, and we agreed that he’d stay with me rather than uproot himself and leave behind his friends and everything he knew.”

“That’s pretty good of you. So can I get you anything?”

James put in his order and Qrow sashayed off to make it- honest to goodness sashayed. It was almost obscene, and had James shifting uncomfortably. He shifted again when Qrow turned and came back, and James realized he’d been staring at his ass the whole time.

Qrow winked when he set James’ drink in front of him. “Like what you see, big guy?”

That blush was back, creeping up James’ neck again. He looked down at his drink rather than at Qrow, but Qrow just leaned on the counter across from him.

“Hey, I didn’t say _stop_.” James looked up at him, and Qrow grinned. “I mean, hey, I like what _I_ see. Why can’t you enjoy the view, too?”

“I don’t want to objectify you.”

“Tell you what, big and pretty,” Qrow said. “Buy me a drink and keep me company on my shift, and you can objectify me all you want.”

“Don’t you have work to do?”

Qrow shrugged. “Not really. The kids have a food court upstairs.” He jabbed his thumb upwards, and James looked up obediently. There was a balcony around three sides of the room, and he could just see the tell-tale edges of a food court at the back. He turned his attention back to Qrow. “This place is for the adults- you know, chaperones and stuff. That’s why it’s shoved into a dark corner, out of the way. We’re never real busy, and I’m usually bored with never anyone to talk to.”

James checked his watch. It was nearly eight. “Ruby’s curfew is at ten, so we’ve got about an hour and a half before we have to leave.”

“All right.” Qrow poured himself a drink and came around to sit next to James. Their knees knocked together slightly when they turned to half-face each other, and James felt his habitual blush climbing back up his neck. He willed it away, and leaned his head on his fist.

“You're sure you won't get in trouble for this?”

“I'll be fine. If Junior comes out I'll tell him it was an emergency.”

“An emergency?”

“There was a _really_ cute guy I wanted to talk to.” He leaned on his own fist, mirroring James' pose with a smirk. “Wouldn't you agree that's an emergency?”

“If I was your boss?” James sat up and shook his head. “But if I was the cute guy? Absolutely.”

“See, I knew you'd see it from my point of view.” Another adult came in, Qrow let out a poorly disguised sigh and got up to move around the counter. “Hold on, handsome, I'll be right back.”

James kept his eyes on him while he took care of this other customer, and he was not disappointed: Qrow moved around the counter area like a dance, hips swaying in time with the music. It was very clearly a show for James, not just because of their conversation about enjoying what he saw but also because he kept passing James sultry looks. The customer- a tall man, even by James' standards- was staring very uncomfortably at his hands from the display, and when Qrow handed him his drink, he took it to a farther table while Qrow came back over to sit with James.

“All right. Now where were we?”

The next hour and a half went like that; Qrow and James chatted, getting to know one another- James found out that Qrow and his foster son lived with his sister and her family, since it was easier on everyone, and Qrow found out James had a daughter alongside Sun; James found out Qrow was a mechanic during the day, Qrow found out James was an inventor in a robotics lab. And so on. By the time Sun and Ruby tracked James down so they could go, James had spent a very enjoyable evening getting to know Qrow.

“Hey Uncle Qrow!” Ruby said, hurling herself onto her uncle's arm. He lifted her so they were eye level. “Did you have fun talking to Mr. G?”

“We saw you guys making bedroom eyes at each other from way up there,” Sun said, gesturing at the food court. “It was gross.”

“Listen kid.” Qrow jabbed his finger at Sun, a mock glare on his face. “I'll make bedroom eyes at whoever I want. Now go on. I need to talk to Jimmy a minute.”

“James.” He stood and passed the keys to Sun; Ruby took his hand and they headed to the door, well ahead of the two adults. James turned to Qrow. “Something on your mind?”

“You wanna go out on an actual date?” Qrow asked.

James considered this, then nodded. “All right. How does lunch Tuesday sound? I'm afraid it's the earliest I'm free.”

“Tuesday... yeah, I can do Tuesday, but it'll have to be a late lunch. Around two. That okay?”

James nodded again. “Tuesday it is. Two o'clock.”

They stopped just outside the exit. They could see Sun and Ruby at the car, but the two teens were too wrapped up in each other to pay them any mind. Qrow turned back to James.

“So, do I get a goodnight kiss?” he asked, smirking up at James. James said nothing in response, simple put his hand on the back of Qrow's neck and tugged him up into a kiss that left Qrow breathless when they parted. “Wow,” Qrow said. “Okay. Tuesday. See you Tuesday. I'm gonna... get back to work now.”

With that, he spun on his heel and stalked inside, leaving James grinning and looking forward to Tuesday.

 


	2. Kiss Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which parents are trolls and Sun is a disappointing kisser.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got a better feel for how I want this story to go now, so let's see how many chapters it takes me to change it.

o/o

James got Ruby home with about ten minutes to spare before curfew, and parked the car at the end of the drive so Sun could walk Ruby to the door. It was a warm night, so he had the windows open, and when Raven opened the door for the kids he heard Ruby's voice, loud and clear.

“Mama! Mr. G was flirting with Uncle Qrow at Junior's! They were making bedroom eyes at each other. It was _super_ gross!”

James winced and looked over at Raven, who had raised her eyes from her daughter to meet his. He couldn't tell from this distance, but he had an idea that she was laughing. She left Ruby and Sun on the doorstep to say their goodnights, and sauntered out to the car to talk to James. She leaned on the passenger's side window and smirked in on him.

“So, Ruby tells me you've been making bedroom eyes at my wayward twin.”

“I'm not sure if bedroom eyes is the right word for it, but that's about the gist of it.” _Don't be intimidated, she's not_ _ **that**_ _scary_. “Is. That okay?”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “Should it not be?”

“No. I mean, it should be. But you're acting like it's not.”

Raven waved that away with the same flippancy as Qrow, and shrugged. “Nah, it's fine. Qrow's a grown up, who he dates is his business. I just wanted to check that Ruby was right. By the way, what have you two got planned?”

“A late lunch date,” he said. “Why?”

“Ooh, nice. Decently intimate, but with a sense of distance and a lack of commitment. Great for testing the waters for a potential new relationship.”

“What?”

“Take him to Nikos', he likes that place. And ask for the blond noodle boy if he's there. He's a friend of Ruby's and Qrow enjoys teasing him.”

“Oh.” James glanced up at the kids, who were talking with their heads very close together, and turned back to Raven. “Any other advice?”

“Our kids are making out, aren't they?”

“I think they're on the verge of it.”

“You're planning to honk the horn the second their lips touch, aren't you?”

“You can prove nothing.”

o/o

Once Raven had left them on the doorstep, Sun turned to Ruby and held out his hand in hesitant invitation. She took it in hers and grinned up at him.

“I had fun tonight, Sun.”

“Yeah, tonight was awesome.” He brought his free hand up to rub the back of his neck, a brilliant red tinging his cheeks when he realized how close they were standing. “I'm really glad you asked me out. I mean, I was kinda hoping you would, but I didn't think you _actually_ would. You know?”

“I know. I kept hoping you would ask me out, but when you didn't Penny said I should just take matters into my own hands.”

“I knew Penny was involved!”

Ruby laughed, and nodded. “She told me you were a giant chicken baby and I should just put on my big girl panties and do it myself.”

“That doesn't sound like Penny.” A pause. “Actually, that sounds kinda like me.” He paused to consider this; in the distance, they heard their parents laughing at the car, but it sounded like it was very far away, or on the other side of a glass tank. Sun grinned. “You know, I think I'm rubbing off on her!”

“I'd rather you rubbed off on me.”

“What?”

“What?”

Sun's face was beet red, now, and he found himself standing up straight, unconsciously putting a little distance between himself and Ruby. He saw the hurt look pass across her face, the way her shoulders fell, but he couldn't process the last little bit of their conversation well enough to repair it. He decided to take a different track.

“Um, Ruby?” He shuffled a little. “Would you mind, if I kissed you goodnight?”

A hopeful smile danced onto her face. “I'd like that.”

She held perfectly still, a little expectant, while he leaned down and brushed his lips across hers, only the barest of touches before he straightened up again, face as red as her favorite hoodie (which was currently being worn around her waist thanks to the summer heat). In the distance, he very slowly became aware of a horn being laid on, though it did nothing to drown out the slightly disappointed sigh he'd just heard from Ruby.

“...I think it's time for me to go,” he said. He gave her hand a squeeze and took off down the driveway. He passed Raven on the way, and looked away when she raised an eyebrow at him, clearly amused.

Mr. Ironwood had already stopped blasting the horn and was cranking up the car when Sun slid into the seat beside him. “Nicely done, Champ,” Mr. Ironwood said, while Sun buckled up and slid down into the seat. He glanced over at Sun, and raised an eyebrow. “Everything okay?”

“I'm not sure.” Sun fiddled with his shirt button, and shrugged. Ruby's comment was still echoing in his head, and the disappointed sigh she'd let out when he'd pulled away from their kiss. “I think I'm just tired. I wanna go home and sleep now.”

o/o

Most of the staff at Junior's were teens and young college students- Junior was dedicated to his 'teen safe space' idea and had hired on people that the kids would be comfortable interacting with. There were, however, a few older staff as well, including Qrow and his partner Roman. They were at the adults counter now, the three of them enjoying a drink after shutting the store. Well, Roman and Junior were, since they lived upstairs, but Qrow was drinking soda, because Junior wouldn't let him drink if he was driving home, no matter how much he insisted that he'd be fine.

“Don't be such a baby, feather-brain,” Roman said, after about the fifth time Qrow whined about wanting a drink. “How do you think tall, scruffy, and handsome would feel if you went and got yourself in a wreck before he got a chance to ravish you properly? He'd probably be really disappointed, and no one wants that.”

Qrow squinted at Roman. “How do you know about that?”

“Oh, please. I know _everything_ that goes on in this place.” After a meaningful look from Junior, he added, “Neo heard from one of the other kids that you two were down here making bedroom eyes at each other all night.”

“Those were not bedroom eyes,” Qrow said. “I don't make bedroom eyes when there's kids around.”

“Well you were making _something_. Amber said she peeked down at you on her break and you were completely absorbed.” He rested his chin in his hands and batted his eyes at Qrow. “Sooo? Are you going to tell me all about it?”

Qrow rolled his eyes. “There's nothing to tell. A handsome single dad comes in while he's chaperoning his kid's- and my kid's- date, we hit it off, and decide to go on a proper date. Hardly gossip of the year.”

Roman gave Qrow a disbelieving look, but after a moment seemed to see honesty in Qrow's face, so he pouted. “Fine. Don't tell me.”

“There's nothing to tell!” Qrow laughed. “He's cute and we hit it off. Why does everyone think there needs to be a thirty-four chapter romance novel preceding me going on a first date?”

o/o

Yang was waiting in Ruby's room when Ruby got home, sprawled out on Ruby's bed with a magazine. “Hey, sis!” she said. “How'd it go?”

“Good.” Ruby nudged Yang over and flopped down beside her, folding her arms in front of her and resting her head on them. “We went to Simple Wok and then Junior's and then came home. Sun asked if he could kiss me when we got home and I said yes. Mr. Ironwood is going on a date with Uncle Qrow.”

“You kissed Sun?”

“I guess.”

“Ooh, that doesn't sound good.” Yang put the magazine aside and sat up. “You shouldn't look that down after your first kiss. So what's up? Not a good kisser?”

“No, it was fine, just.” Ruby sighed. “I was kinda hoping for... you know, more. It was just a little peck. I barely felt it. Does it count if I barely felt it?”

“It only counts if you want it to.” Yang laid down again, and bumped her shoulder against Ruby's. “Maybe he was nervous.”

“Why would he be nervous?”

“Because he really likes you and wasn't expecting to get the chance to kiss you on your first date? I mean, it wasn't like you tried to get into his shorts or anything.”

Ruby looked away. Suddenly Yang was sitting up again.

“Ruby. You _didn't_.”

“It was a joke! I thought it'd be funny! I thought he'd laugh!”

“Oh my god. _Ruby_.” Yang was giggling now, before clutching her stomach and falling back, almost howling. “You didn't. Oh my god.”

“Yaaaang.”

“I'm sorry, but it's just really funny! I wish I could have seen his face. What did you say?”

“I told him what Penny had said about how I should ask him out, and he said that sounded like him and that he must be rubbing off on her. So I said 'I wish you'd rub off on me' and then he started blushing and asked if he could kiss me and I said yes and he did. Then Mr. Ironwood started laying on the horn but I think he was just trolling.”

“You told Sun you wanted him to rub off on you?” Yang started laughing again. “Oh man, that is great. Wait'll I see him again, I am _soooo_ teasing him about this!”

“No!” Ruby sat up and pushed Yang away a little. “Don't tease him! I don't want to make it _worse_!”

“All right, all right!” She stilled and put an arm around Ruby's shoulders. “Look, you probably just surprised him, that's all. You don't make a lot of sex jokes so he wasn't expecting it. Or maybe he was trying to be a gentleman, or didn't want to make out with you while Mr. Ironwood was there. Why don't you try talking to him?”

“Yeah, okay.” Ruby folded her arms over her knees and sighed. “I'll talk to him tomorrow.”

“Hey.” Yang held her close and rested her cheek on Ruby's head. “What's wrong?”

“I don't know.” Ruby shrugged half-heartedly. “I just. You know. Why does everyone always act so surprised if I talk about sex? You talk about sex all the time and nobody thinks it's weird.”

“That's cause I'm me,” Yang said. “And you're you.” When Ruby sighed at that, Yang shifted so she was facing her sister. “Hey, it's like this. You know how everyone always says that the reason Neptune flirts with every girl he meets is cause he's hiding how gay he is, or that Pyrrha is _toootally_ straight because she's only ever been into Jaune?”

“Yeah.”

“People like to assume things about people based on their own expectations, and then they get surprised when people turn out to be more complex than they think. I mean, take our family. Everyone assumes Dad is a player and Uncle Qrow is a moocher and Mom and Mama should be at odds, because they don't know us and they think that a family with four parents can't be happy and stable and loving. But we show them. And Neptune shows them, and Pyrrha shows them, and you? You'll show them too.” Yang gave Ruby a squeeze. “Just be you, baby sister. Everyone else can figure you out on their own.”

“You think?”

“I mean, there's no one else you can be, right? Everyone else would be a step down.”

“Yaaang.” Ruby blushed, but leaned into Yang's hug, comforted. “Thanks, Yang.”

“No problem.” She gave it a moment longer, then broke the hug and leaned back on her arms. “Now, can I _pleeeease_ tease Sun about being a disappointing kisser?”

“All right. But only a little. And only cause that'll make him work harder next time.”

o/o

Penny was waiting up when James got Sun home, already in her pajamas and the fuzzy monkey slippers Sun had given her for her birthday. He threw an arm casually around her shoulder when she came over to meet them.

“Hey Penny-loaf,” he said. Behind him, James was hanging up the heavy greatcoat he always wore.

“Hello, Sun. Did you have an agreeable evening with Ruby? Were you a perfect gentleman? Did you remember to leave room for Ozpin?”

James snorted, and came over to them, putting his arms around each and subtly turning them toward the bedrooms. “That's why I was there,” he said. “To make sure there was no hanky or panky.”

Sun didn't really want to talk to either of them about hanky and panky with Ruby; he decided to change the subject. “Mr. G was flirting with Uncle Qrow at Junior's,” he said. “They're going on a date.”

“Really?” They stopped outside of Penny's door, and James let his arms fall as both children turned to him. “You have not been on a date in many years.”

“I'm aware of that.” He nudged Sun toward his room and followed Penny into hers. “But I thought it might be time to try again, don't you think?”

“Yes. I am very glad you are going on a date with Uncle Qrow. He is a strange man, but I like him. And, if you marry him, then Ruby and I will be related.”

James' neck flushed at that. “I think maybe it's a bit early to start talking about marriage. It's definitely not something you talk about before you've even had a first date.”

“I was simply making an observation.” She crawled into bed and pulled her covers up. “Are you certain you will be okay going on a date again?”

“I think I can handle it.” He leaned over to kiss her good night. “And we'll see after that. Good night, Penny. I'll see you in the morning.”

“Good night, Father. Sweet sleep.”

o/o

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed both James and Qrow foreshadowing the plot.
> 
> Also, Yang's conversation with Ruby might be a little mood-whiplashy, and might seem like the sort of thing that should have been later, but I needed to set up some stuff about the b-side plot with Sun and Ruby so I had to have it sooner.


	3. I Can Love You Like That

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ruby and Sun have their Serious Talk. Sort of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things I was expecting about this fic: the sibling relationship between Penny and Sun. Things I was not expecting about this fic: the sibling relationship between Penny and _Neptune_.

o/o

Neptune turned up at the Ironwood house early the next morning, at about the time James was throwing bacon and pancakes onto the stove for breakfast. He looked up at the boy coming up the walk, and took out another pack of bacon.

“Good morning, Neptune,” he said, when Penny had let him in. “Sun's still in bed.”

“Oh, that's okay, Mr. G.” He slid into a chair at the end of the table. “I don't mind waiting. It wouldn't be polite to wake him up. He needs his beauty sleep. After all, not everyone can look as good as I do without effort.”

“I think Sun is very handsome,” Penny said.

Neptune waved that away. “Of course you do, Penny. You're a kind-hearted girl who sees the best in everyone and never has a bad word to say for anyone.”

James came over to set a plate of bacon on the table, amusement twitching at his lips. “Would you like some breakfast while you wait, Neptune?”

“Oh, uh...” Neptune eyed the bacon, and his stomach growled. “Well, I mean, only if it's no trouble.”

“No trouble at all. We have plenty, and as long as you're waiting for Sun anyway...”

Neptune nodded, and got up to go get a plate, a fork, and a glass from the cabinet. “Thanks, Mr. G. You know, I _probably_ should have eaten before I left the house this morning, but you know how it is.”

“Of course.”

Sun came dragging in some time later, shuffling sleepily to his seat at the table and pulling the plate of pancakes to him without a word. He'd loaded them up with butter and syrup and piled bacon on top and had his fork halfway to his mouth before he noticed Neptune. Neptune was eating his pancakes in small, proper bites, and Sun blinked blearily at him.

“Neptune,” he said. He blinked again. “You don't live here.”

“I came to see you. We were gonna hang out today.”

Sun squinted. “This... evening?”

“Eat your pancakes, Sun.”

“Okay.”

o/o

By the time they'd finished their breakfast, Sun was much more awake and coherent. James set him and Neptune washing the breakfast dishes, which Sun thought was unfair but Neptune just piled a load of plates into his arms and poked him into the kitchen despite protests.

“So what have we got planned today?” Sun asked, running dishwater while Neptune gathered up dishes and put away food. “Besides chores, I mean.”

“It's only a few dishes,” Neptune said. “Mr. G went through a lot of trouble to make us breakfast, the least we could do is clean up.”

“You're just saying that cause you're worried he'll stop feeding you.”

“I'm just being considerate.” Neptune sniffed haughtily. “Anyway, I was thinking we could go down to the track and see if Scarlet'd let us have a few goes on their dirt bike.”

“Nah, Scarlet's off with their dad today.”

“Oh.” He pouted. “Okay, well... what about shopping? I got my allowance today and I know Mr. G would toss a bit your way if you asked.”

“Probably. Penny'll probably wanna go with us, are you cool with that?”

“I don't mind. Penny's cool.” He considered this a moment longer. “You know... if we were going with Penny _anyway_ , you could _always_ see if _Ruby_ wanted to come _too_.” He gave Sun a knowing look, and a furious blush spread over Sun's face.

“I mean, that's true. Ruby'd probably like to come shopping with us. It'd be fun.”

“Sun, are you okay?”

“I'm fine! Never better!” He fumbled with the plate he was washing and swore when it crashed to the floor. He heard footsteps from the living room and Mr. Ironwood appeared in the doorway, scroll in one hand and reading glasses slipping down his nose.

“Is everything okay in here?”

“We're fine, Mr. G,” Sun reassured him. “I just dropped a plate. Is that okay? It was one of the blue ones.”

Mr. Ironwood took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose, then gave an absent handwave. “It's fine,” he said. “As long as you're not hurt.”

“Nah. Hey listen!” Mr. Ironwood paused in the doorway at Sun's call, and raised a questioning eyebrow. “Me and Neptune were thinking of going to the mall later, and Penny if she wants to come too. That cool?”

“Of course. Do you need a ride?”

“Nah, we'll catch the bus, you've got work to do.”

“Okay. Let me know before you leave.”

He disappeared back into the living room, and Sun grabbed the broom so he could glean up the plate. Neptune went back to rinsing dishes thoughtfully.

“So, did something happen with Ruby last night? You acted kinda funny when I brought her up. Did you not have a good time?”

“No, we had a great time. We went to Junior's, and we danced and I made her laugh so hard she snorted soda out her nose. It was great.”

“Then what's the big deal?”

“Well, she kinda.” He shrugged. “She might have... implied... _things_.”

“What kind of things?”

“You know.” Sun's face turned red again, and he mumbled to the broken plate and dustpan. “Sex things.”

Neptune's eyebrows rose. “Really? _Ruby_?”

“Yeah, I know!”

“ _Our_ Ruby? Short, Chinese, silver eyes and red tips in her hair?”

“Yes!”

“Our friend Ruby Rose, the one with the red hoodie, talked about _sex_? On the _first date_?”

“Neptune!” Sun rolled his eyes in exasperation. “ _Yes_ , okay? But I'm not sure if she was just making a joke or if she was trying to imply, you know, that she wanted to do that kind of thing.”

“And we're still talking about Ruby here?”

“Oh come on! You're missing the _point_ , Neptune! What if Ruby is really expecting, you know, _that_?”

“Oh. Is this about your sex thing?”

“I do not-!” Sun cut off, and dropped his voice to a hiss. “I do not have a _sex thing_.”

“You kinda do. Which you should tell Ruby about, by the way. You know, so she doesn't go in expecting things that you're not willing to give her. Full disclosure and all.”

Sun scowled. “And I suppose you get the full disclosure out of the way immediately whenever you go on dates?” Neptune looked, for just a moment, like he'd been slapped, and Sun immediately regretted his words. “Sorry. I shouldn't have said that.”

“No, you shouldn't.”

“It was really gross of me.”

“Yeah, it was.”

“I'm sorry.”

Neptune folded his arms and pouted, while Sun got back to the dishes to wait him out. After a few moments of this, Neptune unfolded his arms and turned to the sink as well, taking the cup Sun handed him and giving his friend a smile.

“Still good?”

“Yeah.”

They washed dishes in silence for a few minutes longer. It was Neptune who spoke finally.

“Listen, I'm not gonna tell you what to do, okay? It's up to you. But you really _should_ tell Ruby. If she wants sex, she has to know that you don't. Or won't. Or can't? I don't know, I never quite understand with you.”

“Well it's not like I understand either.” Sun sighed. “But you're right. I want this thing with Ruby to work, though. I mean, what if that's a dealbreaker?”

“Then it's best to get that out of the way from the get go?” Neptune shrugged. “But I mean. I doubt it will be. This is _Ruby_ we're talking about. How thirsty can she really _be_?”

o/o

Ruby was in the den when Sun called, curled up on the end of the couch with a book in her lap. When he invited her to come shopping with him, Penny, and Neptune, her face lit up. “Sure! That sounds like lots of fun!” She hung up not long after that, and flew upstairs to throw her clothes on, and was downstairs and waiting when the three turned up at her house.

“Hey Ruby!” Neptune said, when she threw the door open. “Mind if we come in? I need to use your bathroom.”

“Sure.” Ruby threw a thumb over her shoulder. “You know where it is.”

“Thanks.”

He disappeared into the back of the house, while the others flopped down to wait. Sun sat next to Ruby, and nudged her hand with his. She answered his invitation by sliding her hand over his and lacing their fingers together, getting a smile for her efforts.

“So are we going to the big mall or the one off fifth?”

“Fifth. Neptune and Penny want to check out that new clothing store that just opened up on the top floor. What's it called? Transpired?”

“That is correct,” Penny said, smiling. “We have been waiting several months for it to open.”

“I need a new binder,” Neptune said, coming back to join them. “Mine's wearing out, and Transpired actually carries them on the shelves.”

They left, ambling down the sidewalk in no real hurry. Sun folded his hands behind his head. “Should Ruby and I go with you?” he asked. “I mean, that sounds like one of those safe space places you told us about. I don't wanna accidentally out anyone who doesn't wanna be.”

“That's a good point.” Neptune and Penny exchanged a look. “We're pretty okay with you, but someone else might not be comfortable.”

“Well that's okay!” Ruby slipped an arm through Sun's and beamed. “We can split up while you guys are in the store, and meet back up after.”

“Okay.” Neptune threw an arm around Penny's shoulders; she leaned into him idly. “Hey Ruby, was Yang around?”

Ruby and Sun exchanged a knowing look. “No. She's off at Release the Grounds flirting with that barista she wants to smooch.”

Neptune looked disappointed by this. “Which one?”

“The cool one.”

“They're all cool, though.”

“The _really_ cool one.”

“Oh!”

o/o

At the mall, Sun and Ruby wandered off in one direction while Neptune and Penny headed toward Transpired, a little shop tucked away at the back of the mall. They agreed to meet back at the food court at one, so they could eat and hear all about the new store.

“Hey Sun?” Ruby asked, once they were alone. “Do you think we could talk?”

Sun had a guess he knew what was coming. He gestured over to the fountain. “Sure. Let's sit over here.”

They did; Ruby fidgeted a little, and finally said, “Sun, I think I might have made you uncomfortable last night. You know, with my joke. The uh. Sex joke.”

Sun opened his mouth to protest, but his cheeks were already burning red again. He shrugged. “A little. I just wasn't expecting it, you know? And I was trying to be a gentleman and, you know.”

“Yeah. Of course.” She gave him a smile, then looked down at her hands, clutching at her knees. “Anyway, I won't make jokes like that if you don't want me to.”

“What? No! I mean.” He shrugged. “It's not a big deal. I mean, it wasn't the joke that made me uncomfortable, I mean, Neptune makes 'em all the time, right?”

“Yeah. Yang too. And it never seems to bother you with them.”

“Well that's cause I know neither of them really wants anything out of me. I was uncomfortable cause I wasn't sure if you were just making a joke or, you know, you meant it.”

“What? Of course not!” Ruby held up her hands at him, eyes wide. “Look, it was just a joke, okay? Just... a joke.”

“Right. Right. A joke. Cause.” He took a deep breath. “In the interest of full disclosure, um.” A hesitation. “Uh, that is, I had been thinking we'd take things slow, you know?”

A pained look passed over Ruby's face, gone in an instant. “Of course.”

“And we can see what happens down the road.”

“Right.” She hesitated, and looked like she wanted to say something else, but they were interrupted by Penny and Neptune rejoining them, calling cheery greetings.

“Ruby! Look at my new button!” Penny was holding a little pink button, on which was written, in bold letters, 'Hi! My pronouns are _she/her_ '. Behind her, Neptune was showing off a similar one, his blue and reading 'Hi! My pronouns are _he/him_ '. “They are given for free at Transpires, so that no one is misgendered. They come in lots of colors and pronouns. We got them for you as well.”

“The founders want to normalize the idea of not assuming people's pronouns,” Neptune explained, while Penny passed the buttons over. “You don't have to wear them if you don't want to,” he added, but Sun was already pinning the button to his shirt collar, and Penny was helping Ruby put hers onto her hip. Neptune couldn't suppress his smile. “Thanks.”

“Come on, dude.” Sun threw his arm around Neptune's neck and noogied him. “You're our pals, we wanna be supportive.”

“Shall we go shopping now?” Penny asked, standing back up.

“You betcha!”

Sun grinned and let Neptune go so he could toss his arm around Penny's shoulders this time. The four headed off in the direction of the craft store; they'd only gone a few steps before Sun reached over to catch Ruby's hand, treating her to a smile when she moved closer to him.

o/o

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a dream once that I was in a store that was specifically meant to cater to trans people and their needs when buying clothes, ie, the clothing ran to different sizes to accommodate body types, things were not in gendered sections, binders and other such trans-specific underthings were sold on the rack, and the whole place was meant to be a place where trans people could buy the clothes they needed in a safe environment. That's what transpired was; I really just expanded the idea.
> 
> Also I did not realize Neptune was trans until the moment I wrote it. It sure was nice of him to let me know, thanks Neptune. It's not like I'm writing you or anything.


	4. I Finally Found Someone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Qrow teases Yang, and James gets a call from Glynda.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place at the same time as the previous one.

o/o

Qrow worked in a garage during the day, the afternoon shift. He was on office duty today- his least favorite task, but everyone had to take a turn on the rotation, at least until his boss hired someone willing to do it full-time.

The only person in the office at the moment was a blonde woman waiting for her tires to be changed, and Tukson, another of the shop's mechanics, currently on break.

“So how went your weekend, Tuk?” Qrow asked, hanging up from a long-winded phone call scheduling an oil change. Across from him, Tukson shrugged.

“Fairly well. Winter and I took her sister to see the new X-Ray and Vav movie.”

“Ooh, I've been meaning to take the girls to that one. Any good?”

“Very good. At least, I think it was. Weiss seemed to enjoy herself. And Winter I can never tell.”

“Well, that's because she's a snooty, stuck-up-” He trailed off, and shrugged at the uncomfortable look on Tukson's face. “Sorry. You wanna ask about _my_ weekend?”

“I knew you were fishing for something. Okay. How was your weekend, Qrow?”

“Eeexcellent~” He beamed. “You know I mentioned Ruby was having her first date Saturday, right? Weee-ell, the boy's dad or whatever was chaperoning, and they went to Junior's, so he hung out at the adults' counter and kept me company the whole time.”

Tukson snorted. “Judging by your reaction.. let me guess. Handsome single dad?”

“Six foot six with the most perfectly scruffy five o'clock shadow and eyes like literal sapphires.” He grinned cheekily; in the waiting area, the blonde woman looked up from her scroll sharply, unnoticed by them. “You tell me, Tuk.”

Tukson chuckled. “He sounds like just about your type.”

“Yep.” He grinned, popping the 'p' at the end. “We're going out Tuesday.”

“And you just _really_ needed to brag, huh?”

“Look, when you get a date with the most handsome guy you've ever seen you'll understand what I mean. Except you won't, because I saw him first.”

In the wait area, the blonde woman stood up and moved over to them. “Excuse me. I couldn't overhear- the man you're talking about wouldn't happen to be James Ironwood, would he?”

“Yeah. Know him?”

“He's a friend.” She looked him over thoughtfully. He bristled in preemptive defense.

“Do I not meet your approval or something?”

“I wouldn't say that.” She frowned. “James hasn't dated in a long time. I'm just wondering what it is about you that he decided to change that.”

“Maybe I'm the most handsome guy _he's_ ever seen.”

Glynda looked him over again. “No, that's not it.”

“Maybe Qrow was in the right place at the right time,” Tukson suggested.

“I _suppose_ that's possible.” She considered him again, and shook his head. “No, I'm lost.”

“Well ask Jimmy if you're so curious,” Qrow said, giving her a toothy glare. “I just know I've got a date with him and I'm not gonna question it just cause I don't meet _your_ standards.”

o/o

Qrow was still bristling long after the woman- Glynda- had left and Tukson had gone back to work. He grumbled to himself while he made his way across the street to Release the Grounds on his own break, hoping that a latte and a smile from his favorite barista would cheer him up.

“Hello, Mr. Branwen!” Velvet said, as soon as he was through the door. “My, you look in a terrible mood. Would you like your usual?”

“Thanks, Velvet.” He grabbed a seat and when Velvet brought out his latte- with extra chocolate shavings, to cheer him up- he managed a weak smile for her. “I'm feeling a little better now, though.”

“I'm glad!”

She beamed, and went back behind the counter. He shook his head and took a sip of his latte.

“Velvet, has anyone ever told you you're the sweetest ray of sunshine on this block?”

This got him a laugh. “That's what everyone says! I'm just trying to be friendly. And I'm always glad to help cheer someone up.”

“Well you're good at it.” He turned back around to his latte and hunched over it, taking the occasional sip. He was still there a few minutes later when Yang burst through the door, calling a cheery greeting to Velvet and the other baristas as she did. He turned around and watched her flirting with the other one- not Velvet, the other one- until she got her latte and moved to sit down. She stopped short when she saw him smirking at her, and a blush came up on her cheeks.

“Uncle Qrow.”

He pushed the chair across from him out in invitation, and she sat down. “Yangarang.” He took a sip of his latte, and smirked. “So...”

“If you're trying to shame me...”

“Shame you? Never, who you flirt with is your business.” Another sip. “ _Tease_ , on the other hand...”

“Uncle Qrow!”

“What?” He laughed. “Come on, kiddo, I'm your uncle. It's my job.”

She stuck her tongue out at him. “Should I tease you about Mr. G, then?”

Qrow frowned. He'd heard the kids refer to a Mr. G often enough, but had only just made the connection between James and this 'cool everydad' guy the kids were all so enamored with. He wondered if James spelled his name oddly. Games? Maybe it was his first name.

“Uncle Qrow?”

He realized he'd spaced out, and snapped his attention back to his niece. “Sorry, I was thinking about Jimmy. Have you ever got a good look at his eyes?”

“Gross!” When he laughed, she stuck her tongue out at him. “I'm glad you're going out with Mr. G. He's cool. And he seems kinda lonely.”

“You kids like him pretty well?” It was strange, actually- he hadn't seemed like the sort of guy the kids would be drawn to. “That's good, I don't wanna date anyone you two are uncomfortable with.”

Yang wrinkled her nose. “Why not? You're the one who has to date him.”

“ _Because_.” He flicked a little foam at her teasingly, but there was a serious glint to his eye. “You and Ruby are my kids. You're a part of my family, and anyone who is going to be a part of my life is going to be a part of your lives, too. You're my package. And anyone my kids don't like or feel comfortable with is not someone I wanna date.”

“You'd really not go out with someone if me and Ruby didn't like them?”

“Of course. You two take priority to me, after all.”

“Well, rest assured that me and Ruby both really like Mr. G, and we're glad you're going out with him. Though in Ruby's case it's because if you get married she and Penny will be cousins.”

“Of course it is.” He shook his head. “Now, about that barista you like...”

“Uncle Qrow! It's not- not like that... not really?”

“She straight?”

“She has a girlfriend.” Yang hesitated. “And a boyfriend. And I think they have another boyfriend but I'm not sure, I've never met him and I can't bring myself to ask.”

“Yang, you have three parents.”

“I know that! But Dad and Mom and Mama don't date outside of each other. What if they're like that?”

“What if they aren't?” Qrow shrugged. “Where's the harm in asking?” When Yang stared down at her hands, Qrow flicked more foam at her. She looked up. “You like her?”

“Yeah.”

“Then talk to her.”

“Okay.” Yang stared down at her latte, and Qrow beckoned Velvet over.

“What's up, Mr. Branwen? You need something?”

He gestured at Yang, who was slowly turning red again. “My niece has a crush on your girlfriend.”

“What? Oh!” Velvet's eyes widened, and she turned to the other barista, who was wiping down the counter during the lull. “Coco, you owe me a coffee!”

Coco looked up, her eyes flicking from Velvet to Qrow to land on Yang. She pumped her arm in victory, and came out from behind the counter. She and Velvet passed each other on the way, and traded a fist bump and the cleaning rag before Coco came over to Qrow and Yang's table.

“I heard them talking earlier,” Qrow said quietly, at Yang's horrified look, and stood. “That's my cue to leave. See you, Yangarang. Coco. Bye Velvet!”

“Bye, Mr. Branwen.”

o/o

The house was quiet with Sun and Penny out shopping. James liked the quiet- it was good for work- but his house inevitably felt empty whenever his kids weren't in it. Ah well, they'd be back later, best to take advantage of the quiet while it lasted. He sat back and rubbed at his eyes. It was probably a good idea to take a break now, confirmed when he checked the clock and realized he'd been working for nearly two hours. He shook his head and pushed to his feet, stretching out kinks and stiff muscles while he made his way to the kitchen for a fresh coffee.

While he waited for the coffee maker to heat up again, he briefly considered taking a trip around to Release the Grounds for a cup of their best mocha. He looked down at himself and changed his mind. It would involve putting on something besides sweatpants and the thin cotton t-shirt he was currently wearing, and that sounded like a lot of trouble.

He was still debating the merits of not wearing clothes vs having a mocha latte when he scroll buzzed. He grabbed it and decided to just stick with his coffee.

“Ironwood.”

“Hi James.”

“Glynda!” His face shifted from his stern business face to a more relaxed, softer look. “How did your trip go? When did you get back?”

“It went fine, I just got back in last night. Mother sent you her love, and a pound cake. I can bring it by whenever you like.”

James couldn't help smiling at that. Mrs. Goodwitch made the most delicious pound cake, and she always sent him one when her daughter visited her. He grabbed his coffee and headed back into the living room. “I'll be around all day if you want to drop by. I have work to do so the distraction will be a good one. We can have tea and you can tell me about your trip.”

“That sounds lovely. And while I'm there you can tell me about how you've apparently decided to start dating again.”

James froze with his coffee halfway to his mouth. “Oh,” he said, hesitation coloring his voice. “You uh. Heard about that.”

“When I was getting my tires changed earlier, yes. He was bragging to his friend about having a date with 'the most handsome guy he'd ever seen'.” She snorted, and James didn't blame her. She didn't like 'locker room talk', or treating people as prizes. He didn't either, for that matter, but he also bragged about his own kids enough to know that not all bragging was meant as such. Besides, he was stuck on the 'most handsome guy' part, which was a little embarrassing but also pleasing to hear.

“He's Ruby's uncle,” James said. “We met last night when I was chaperoning her date with Sun.”

“Yes, I gathered as much.” She fell silent, and he knew what question she wasn't asking, the thought that was hanging heavy in the air between them. He let out a slow breath.

“You don't approve.”

“Of you dating? James, I've been waiting years for you to be okay with dating again. I'm _glad_.” A pause. “I'm just not sure I think much of your choice, that's all. He seems so... arrogant. No, not arrogant- _cocky_.”

“He is that,” James said, unable to keep the fondness out of his voice. He liked that about Qrow, had been drawn to the self-assured way he did everything, like his opinion was the only one that mattered. He shook his head. “Anyway, it's one date. If we don't hit it off, then we don't have to go on another one.”

“I know.” He heard Glynda sigh down the line. “But I don't want your first date in seven years to go pear-shaped, either.”

“I know,” he echoed. “Has it really been seven years?”

“Like you haven't been counting?”

“Every second of every day,” he said. “But to hear it said out loud...”

“James...”

“I've left it too long.” He swallowed. “I shouldn't have... left it so long.”

“You needed time. There's no shame in it.”

“Maybe.” He let out a long, slow, breath. This conversation was getting painful. “I have to get back to work,” he said. “We can talk more over tea, later.”

There was a pause, a searching pause, before finally, “Okay. I'll see you later, then.”

o/o

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story took exactly four chapters to stop being the slapstick style romcom it was meant to be and become something much bigger and a little more serious (though hopefully still funny). Four chapters. Eight thousand words. That's all.
> 
> Also, the theme of this story is officially subverting expectations, so don't think you've got a handle on everything that's going to happen just cause it's being hinted or teased. What actually happens may end up surprising you.

**Author's Note:**

> Like this fic? Want to see background stuff? Want to watch me cry about James Ironwood 325723 times a day? Then look no further than my Tumblr blog, [wyomingsmustache](http://wyomingsmustache.tumblr.com/), or for those of you into that kind of thing, my spoiler blog, [robonip](http://robonip.tumblr.com/)!


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